everything is peachy

for those of you who are wondering.  

kitten's procedure went great.  they gave her a baby dose of versed to relax her beforehand which had her marveling at her amazing fingers.  when she woke up from the anesthesia about thirty minutes later she was VERY angry, but we took her home and got her fed and napped, and she was a much happier baby.  

in the past five days since then she's learned to clap, wave and say "bye-bye," climb down from the sofa backward and feet-down (as opposed to head-first), and she's repeated "ball" and "baby," and she's learned to use "uh-oh" in context (as she picks up a dvd and throws it on the  floor: "uh-oh").  she's had a bit of a headcold and fever so last night she slept with me, and i heard her murmuring "uh-oh" in her sleep.  too cute.

i have a LOT of unreturned phone calls right now, but i'm significantly stressed out over this office move so when i'm not working i'm pretty much huddled up on my sofa in the fetal position chanting "nooooooes."

just kidding.  but i have been laying very low lately as i try to sort out what direction my office and career is going, so if i've dodged your calls, i really apologize.  and thank you for all the birthday wishes.

things that are going on

thing one.  

there is a distinct possibility that i will be moving my office in the very near future.  as most of you know, i did not go back to my firm after having Kitten, opting to throw my hat into the sole-proprietorship ring and open my own practice.  my cousin had preceded me in this endeavor by several years and already operated an office in town - an office with room for two additional attorneys.  so since last fall, i've been renting office space from him.

wellllll, he's done his time and made his fortune and he's decided to scale back in the overhead department.  he's not sure what he's going to do yet - possibly office out of his house, or rent an office from another attorney like i do.  but either way, it looks like he'll be closing the doors on the office as we know it.  i can't say i blame him - i'd do the same thing.  no one relishes paying a ton of money for office space.  it's an annoying expense.

SO.

there are a variety of options i have open to me, including finding another attorney to rent space from, finding another attorney to share a new space with, or opening up my own office and renting space to other attorneys.  none of these options are incredibly attractive to me, as i'm very happy with the situation as it is, but you can't fight the winds of change.  technically i could office out of my house - i know several attorneys who do - but i don't think it's a particularly good idea for me.  i meet with clients OFTEN, and i don't want them coming to my house unless i have a very specific office space with a separate entrance.  

as a result, i spent a ton of time last week weighing options and looking at commercial office space, thus billing very little time to bring in the money that i will require to actually RENT these spaces.  *sigh.*  this is the make-it-or-break-it point in the process of hanging out my own shingle.  if i have to go back to law firm life, so be it, and i know i have several opportunities that are available for the taking, but i'm not going back to that lifestyle without putting up a fight.  a BIG fight.

which might mean i'll be eating ramen for a while.

thing two.

J had arthroscopic surgery on his knee friday morning to remove a portion of his torn meniscus (shock-absorbing cartilage).  we were discharged with antibiotics, lortab, and instructions to elevate, ice, move about freely to ensure continued flexibility and let the pain be our guide.  pain that should be manageable, if not minimal.

this worked fine friday night and saturday morning, but then around noon J's pain level suddenly skyrocketed.  we called the on-call doctor for the orthopedic surgeon's practice and he said, "yeah, that's normal, you're probably doing too much.  have you elevated it?"  well J had been laying on the couch elevating it the entire time.  by midnight, he was in excruciating pain and couldn't move.  not an inch.  laying on the couch cringing for hours, watching the clock tick by until he could take another pain pill.  so we called again.  more "yeah, that's normal, oh, you still have the ace bandage on?  oh, they told you to keep that on?  yeah, that's normal.  yeah, if you want to take some naproxen sodium that's fine.  that's normal.  if it's that bad go to the ER, i can't help."  AHHHH.  jerk.  it didn't seem normal to us, and it was FAR outside any guidelines that we had been given for post-operative expectations.  we decided to try to wait out the night.

this morning J woke up and it took him thirty minutes to make the round-trip to the bathroom.  he was in so much pain his face was white as a sheet, he broke into a cold sweat, and nearly passed out.

enough of that.

so my mom comes over to watch the girls and we pack up and go to the urgent care clinic.

NEVER GO TO THE URGENT CARE CLINIC AT 81ST AND MEMORIAL.

it's funny, because someone told me that EXACT SAME THING just YESTERDAY but we went there anyway because they were the first clinic in tulsa to open up this morning.

so after three hours at the worthless St. John's urgent care, the physician's assistant (WHO WAS ATTENDING TO US BECAUSE THERE IS **NO** DOCTOR THERE - THAT'S RIGHT - **NO** DOCTOR) finally calls the on-call orthopedic doctor from the night before who advises us to head over to the emergency room at the OSU Medical Center/former TRMC because he is on call there and wants to check J for a blood clot.

okay, the minute the PA said "blood clot" i think MY face went white as a sheet.

so i pack J up in the car again we book it downtown to the LOVELY OSU medical center and MAN that place is just scary.  i guess the south-tulsa-shiney-newness has rubbed off on me, but there is NO reason an emergency room should smell that strongly of cigarettes.  ew, ew, ew.  we were in my mom's black jag because it has a much longer back seat for J to lay in, and as we pulled up to the ER J is like, "we are in the WRONG place to be in this car."

so i walk in and i'm like, "surgery friday, inappropriate post-operative pain levels, DR. DANG IS EXPECTING US." and i'm just thinking blood clot blood clot blood clot.

and that's really his name.  dr. jimmy dang.  AVOID HIM.  he (or his associate) cuts you open, bills your insurance, and then completely renounces all moral and ethical obligation for your health and well being.  and as far as his legal obligation?  i'm still mulling over that.  his legal obligation is going to depend heavily on how well J's leg heals. because it better heal PERFECTLY at this point.

anyway, they make us go through all the processing and blah blah blah and it's actually going way faster than the urgent care place even though the urgent care place was basically empty of patients other than us the entire time we were there.  my sister meets us at the ER and feeds me a pepsi and a lunchable because by this time it's noon and all i've had all day is a cup of coffee.

so we get back into a room (and let me tell you the emergency rooms at OSU medical don't look anything like the small curtained partitions at southcrest.  they are big old-school tiled emergency rooms straight out of television.  they scream "SHOOTING!  TRIAGE!")

VERY long story short they don't know what's wrong.  they eliminate infection and blood clot (THANK GOD), give us a couple of other possibilities, tell us what to watch for, shoot J up with morphine, and send us on our merry way.

and you know what?  dr. dang doesn't show his happy shiny face the entire time.  so we drove all the way downtown to get a course of treatment that we could have gotten at any ER in town.  i'm soooo happy we did that.  right.

so by now it's three p.m. and we've spent approximately five hours and seventy-six thousand dollars on medical advice from one physician's assistant, two triage nurses, three emergency room physicians and one absentee orthopedic surgeon, that can all be summed up as "yeah. dunno."

but J's sleeping on the couch now and there's not much more i can ask for at this point.  at least he's getting some rest.  and when we got home, mom had made a wonderfully amazing pot roast which was waiting for us and could NOT have POSSIBLY tasted better.

we are so exhausted that mom took Kitten for the night and i called Princess's mom to take her. Princess's mom actually called me back while we were in the ER and i was like, "i'm the the ER with J would you want to take Princess tonight, no prob if you have plans but it's not much fun at our house this weekend..." and she's all, "yeah, yeah, sure, hey, can i ask you an etiquette question i bought this dress for this wedding and..." and i'm like OMG I AM LITERALLY STANDING IN THE ER WITH J.  ARE. YOU. SERIOUS.  i mean, i didn't ACTUALLY say that, being raised with the good graces not to.  i appreciate that she values my opinions on hemlines and color choices (i was, after all, kappa delta's most beloved Miss Gracious Living in recent history, ahem), but TIMING IS EVERYTHING.

anyway, i feel HORRIBLY guilty sending the girls away because we've spent the whole weekend in chaos with not enough quality cuddling time, but it's best for everyone.

i can't wait until things get back to normal.  J obviously can't go back to work tomorrow as expected, and i don't know how i'll be able to, either, if he's not feeling considerably better.

but here are the good things.  i need to list these for myself at this point.  

• J is in a lot of pain, but by all evaluations he is okay and will improve.  and he is resting.
• Princess and Kitten are happy and healthy.  
• J and are i both gainfully employed for the time being, and no matter what happens we both have the skill sets to support ourselves.
  
• we have a lovely, warm household and a lovely, warm family.

and, THEN, there's...

thing three.

and you know what? i totally do not have the energy to write about thing three.  so you will have to wait, my friends, to hear that rant.

lord loves a working man

went back to work today.  sort of.   mostly running around town, buying office necessities, waiting for furniture to be delivered, sorting out details like fax numbers and phone lines, waiting on hold with bank of america, those unamerican nazi fascist warmongers.  every time i interact with them i swear i will cancel my card, and then i never do, and then they do it again.  worst customer service in the history of the world.  the WORLD, people.  

some day when i have *way* more energy i will chronicle my bank of america tales for you.  truly incredible, the way they screw up in such colossal ways, over and over.  more incredible: the fact that i still have an account with them.  WHY????  i'll tell you why: because every time i get a credit card offer in the mail i read the fine print and ohohoh lookit who services the card!  BANK OF AM-ER-I-CA.  THEY ARE APPARENTLY THE ONLY CREDIT CARD COMPANY IN THE UNIVERSE.

i unpacked my boxes from my old office today.  the ones that my old office boxed up *for* me when i told them i was not coming back.  well, they kept all my office supplies.  MY office supplies.  as in, ones *I* bought.  even took the light bulbs out of my lamps.  ooookay.  you guys owe me a space heater, a three hole punch, a tape dispenser, one reallynice stapler that has seen me through numerous bank of america battles, a leather desk pad, TWO black wheeled briefcases, and a whoooooole rainbow of uniball pens that i bought myself because i hate cheap bic pens.  

but what's more annoying is that they threw everything into boxes without packing it, so i now have one shattered stained glass lampshade and one cracked veryexpensive piece of fine art pottery.  i mean, when i discovered that they had wrapped all my pottery in ONE layer of wal-mart plastic bag (seriously why even bother) and thrown it loose into the bottom of a banker's box along with nail files and old business cards, i was SHAKING with anger.  this is pottery that i bought in the homes of the artists themselves, laid out on quilted beds and old kitchen tables in a mexican village with no electricity or running water where dogs and mules roam the streets, pottery that i carefully wrapped up in 10 layers of bubble wrap and drove carefully across unpaved back roads in chihuahua, mexico and across the border, pottery that would fetch a small FORTUNE in santa fe.  AND YOU JERKS CRACKED ONE OF MY FAVORITE PIECES.

and Kitten is super cranky tonight.

end of post.  i'm in a terrible mood.  better luck tomorrow.

self-employment

judging by the flurry of emails generated by my previous post, perhaps i should have given more information.  this was a voluntary move, i was not fired.  i want to be more in control of my life, my schedule, and my time with my family.  

it's a good thing.

it's official

i am now self employed.  i can be reached at:

melissa holderby, esq.

329 s. elm street, suite 240

jenks, oklahoma 74037

phone, fax, and email to follow.  i have to get those set up.  

holy crap!

edited to add: now ya'll start referring me some work!

i am on maternity leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so no more thinking about work.  thank god.

Kitten update:  my blood pressure is still kind of iffy so they're keeping an eye on me and requesting that i stay down as much as possible.  and i'm freaking exhausted, so i went ahead and went on full-time maternity leave.  i'm SO over work at this point.  being eleventy months pregnant saps ALL of the ambition right out of you.

AND i've been having insomnia for the first time ever in my life.  i lie there in bed thinking about all the things i need to get done.  last night, after lieing in bed for two hours to no avail, i finally got up and grabbed a notebook and started making check lists.  it's like mental nesting.  and i hate the word "nesting."  

next week we have an ultrasound on monday to make sure Kitten's tolerating the stress okay.  it's a biophysical profile ("BPP"), and they will check her breathing, muscle tone/movement, heart rate, and amount of amniotic fluid.  everything should be fine, we're just being extra cautious.  and also, yay i get to have another ultrasound!  i wasn't expecting to have any more.

my next doctor's appointment is next thursday - we're to the once-a-week appointments now.  looks like she's weighing about 5lbs at this point.  i need to make it through the next two weeks to let her put on a little more weight, and after that, LET'S GO!  he'll induce me if my blood pressure gets too high or if i request it, and otherwise we'll just wait and see if she decides to make an appearance.  

but let me tell you - i'm not waiting very long.  the highs for the weekend are in the 102-103 range.  forgeeeeet that. 

so...

...i took it pretty easy all weekend, but i've been wiped out.  i can tell that my blood pressure is elevated - it's a weird sensation.  my blood pressure is usually pretty low - think 110/60 or lower.  last wednesday it was 130/90.  monday it was 140/90.  i go back on thursday morning.  if it keeps going up, the doctor will put me on official bed rest - which he hasn't done yet, much to my annoyance.  

right now what i'm having can be described as "gestational hypertension," or high blood pressure during pregnancy.  it's not actual preeclampsia yet.  preeclampsia is diagnosed with a trifecta of factors: (1) water retention, especially in the hands and face (mine is pretty much restricted to my lower legs); (2) elevated blood pressure (which is measured not objectively, but subjectively based upon what's normal for that woman.  my blood pressure won't be in the "danger" zone until it gets closer to 150, although 140 is certainly high); and (3) protein in the urine (so far i've only had trace amounts).

so i'm still in that grey zone.  i'm okay to work easy days as long as i stay down all evening, but frankly i feel like crap and my mental acumen is fogged by fatigue so frankly it's best i'm not working full-time anyway.  even when i'm there i'm not billing much because i'm thinking so slowly and trying so hard not to make mistakes that would normally not even be an issue.  

i told my boss that i'm supposed to be working half-days.  she asked for a doctor's note.  and then she gave me fifteen projects to do.  i can't tell you how annoyed i am by that.  do they think i'm injecting saline into my ankles before work every morning?  i had already told her that if they wanted to consider this a hybrid maternity leave that was fine, and that i wasn't expecting them to give me additional paid time off, but that there is no way i'm making my hours this month.  so now i have to ask my doctor to write me a note when i go in on thursday, just like i'm in middle school.  *highly, highly annoyed*

J is in dallas for a conference yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  he'll be back tomorrow evening, and i'm glad.  normally i don't mind being home alone at all - after all, i lived alone a lot after high school, and i liked it, so him being gone for a few days here and there is a nice respite, and distance lends enchantment to the view, and et cetera, et cetera.  but today my head is really hurting (another hallmark of preeclampsia) (and i just used a passive verb phrase, good grief) and i really am just ready for him to be back, and i just said "really" twice in one sentence - see how much i'm slipping???  ug!  i feel so mentally DULL and it is completely maddening, i can't even tell you how frustrated i am.

i'm 34 weeks now, and i'll be full-term at the end of 36 weeks, as i've mentioned oh approximately fifty trillion times in the last two months.  i want her to have the full benefit of being in utero as long as she needs, but an induction is pretty darn appealing right now.  which makes me sad, since i was SO anti-induction just a few weeks ago.  

but man.  i'm beat.  oh, and it's 9:30 p.m. and my boss just called and asked me to do a hearing for her tomorrow.  WHY.

J is sick

i hope i don't catch it. i feel terrible for him. sore throat, fever, the whole nine yards. ironically, my saving grace may be the cold sore i've had over the last 48 hours, as a result of which Jim did not kiss me for most of the weekend. maybe i will be spared the cruel fate of being pregnant AND sick and thus unable to dose liberally with nyquil as i'm wont to do when ill.

today i visited two more daycare centers and then ran down to Mom's to drop off a car (long story) and my mom brought me home. when she picked me up, she had this gift for me from my grandma:

for the uninformed, that's a pristine african violet in full bloom. one of my favorite flowers, and terribly hard to cultivate-or at least terribly hard to make bloom. but my grandma has perfected the craft, and her african violets are velvety, gigantic, and in perpetual bloom.

i've had one before, with some luck, but unfortunately gatsby is of the opinion that african violets make a divine salad, so this one will be whisked away to my office window first thing in the morning. i took that picture with the violet sitting on my dresser in front of the black and white photograph of my (maternal) grandparents on their wedding day. everyone in unison, now: awwwww. too cute, i know. see how tall my grandpa was? he played football for Oklahoma. they made quite the handsome couple. end bragging.

okay, now, for the daycare search drama, which i haven't been able to bring myself to write about yet because i've been just too thoroughly annoyed.

i'm just now beginning my fourth month. i'm like barely into my second trimester - by just days. so when i started scouting out daycares last month i thought i was waaaaay ahead of the game.

wrong. so, so wrong.

there are two or three daycares downtown that provide infant care (most notably, first christian and trinity episcopalian), in addition to a jewish private school, and a nonsectarian private school, which is on my commute. when i called them to set up appointments for tours, i thought i was doing great, mentally patting myself on the back. i'm not due for another six months, and i won't need daycare for eight. this motherhood thing is cake.

"we have an extensive wait list."

"you should come in right away and get on the list."

"we recommend that you get on the list for at least five centers."

"we might be able to get you in by february."

february? february??? what exactly do you expect me to do for childcare between october and february? are you insane? is this some kind of passive-aggressive anti-feminist punishment for women who surrender their tender young infants to the cold, cruel world of daycare while they pursue their "careers?" "you should be at home with your infant, silly woman. to teach you, we will make childcare all but impossible to obtain. bwa ha ha." sounds like solid republican policy to me.

i digress. but it begs the question: if i'm getting this when i'm only three months pregnant, where did all the women come from who beat me onto the wait list? is finding a daycare now something you do at the same time you register for china and book a church? "i love you madly - will you marry me? and how do you feel about parochial school?"

apparently there is some sort of mass-scale infant care shortage around here. whatever. i really don't care what caused this, i am just seriously annoyed that when my maternity leave is up i am going to be faced with the very real possibility that i might have no where to put the baby. i mean, it's not like i relish the idea of putting my eight-week-old child in the hands of strangers, but what options do i have? PARTICULARLY when the going rate for these daycares runs around one thousand dollars a month. they offer "financial aid" to "qualified families," but financial aid isn't determined until after i am admitted - oh, and also, since everyone's fall enrollment (for infants!) begins august 15, i have to start PAYING ON AUGUST 15 to "hold our spot," even though my baby isn't due until SEPTEMBER and i'm not going to need childcare until the end of OCTOBER.

that's right. i'm going to be paying for daycare while this child is still in utero. does this not sound completely insane to anyone else?

in my head, i have the daycares ranked in order of my personal preferences, but reality is slowly sinking in: my personal preferences really don't mean jack, and i'm going to have to stick the baby in the first available spot that opens up in order to keep my job.

this has been an infuriating process for me. the cheapest daycare i've visited is closer to $550/mo, but it's not desirable. my favorite center is $800/mo, but it's also the smallest and hardest to get into. i just ended a sentence with a preposition, and i'm so incensed i'm not even going to go back and fix it. so THERE.

this is a terrible thing to say, but i wish i made less money, and then i could justify staying home with the baby to defray the cost of unaffordable childcare. unfortunately, i can't in good conscience do that financially to our family. not to mention it would be disastrous for my career. we are fortunate that the obscene cost of daycare falls into the category of "lifestyle-crunching expense" and not "will-we-still-be-able-to-pay-our-other-bills expense."

but man, i'm not happy. i never thought i'd want to stay at home with my children until i was faced with the reality of paying $1,000 a month for the privilege of dumping my tiny newborn infant off with strangers for 9 hours a day while i sit in front of a computer, racking up billable hours for the man. i'm a suit! crap! how did that sneak up on me? and what kind of choice is that to be faced with? it's a no-win situation for everyone.

bar association event

that is the most boring title in the history of titles. anyhoo.

every year the tulsa county bar association young lawyers' division (or TCBA YLD for short, we heart acronyms in lawyerland) throws its annual mardi gras party on fat tuesday. this year, as in past years, we are hosting this fundraising event at the mayo hotel in downtown tulsa. it will begin at 6:30 p.m. on february 2 and will benefit Parkside Psychiatric Hospital’s Food Pantry Program.

if it sounds like i'm reading from a press release, that would be because i am. and i wrote it, because i have the dubious distinction of being this year's chairperson for the event.

Here's the rest of the press release:

***

Five-star Creole and Cajun Chef Lanney Aund’re, formerly of Lake Charles, Louisiana, will be serving a buffet of traditional fare. There will also be a full cash bar with New Orleans-style drinks and live music. Tickets will be $18.00 per person, and table sponsorships are available. A $250 Green Level sponsorship comes with five tickets and recognition of your sponsorship in the Tulsa Business Journal and Bar Journal. A $500 Purple Level sponsorship comes with 10 tickets, recognition of your sponsorship, and a table reserved in your firm or organization’s name. A $1,000 Gold Level sponsorship comes with 20 tickets, recognition of your sponsorship, and two tables reserved in your firm or organization’s name.

Partygoers who bring a canned good with them to donate to Parkside’s Food Pantry will earn an entry into the drawing for door prizes.

***

you don't have to be a lawyer to come. in fact, coming to see me should be sufficient motivation to buy an $18 ticket.

i have a nice shiny flier, too, but it's in .PDF format and i can't figure out how to upload non-.jpgs to blogger. i mean, i could, but i'm not going to. so there. if you want to see it, email me and maybe i'll send it to you.

so yeah, buy a ticket. if you know any lawyers or legal-ish people or people who like to talk about legal things when they're drunk, tell them to buy a ticket, too.

that is all.

back to the grind

i'm back at work this morning, but i can't say i'm sorry. getting up this morning was a royal pain after napping yesterday afternoon and then staying up too late last night with J, but it's nice to be back at work - i crave the routine of getting up early, coming in, drinking a cup of coffee, checking my email, balancing my checkbook - all of those anal-retentive activities that make my mornings enjoyable. i'm a nerd in nerd's clothing.

and best of all, my annoying red voicemail light is OFF. no voicemails! hooray! voicemails are the worst way to start off the day.