everything is peachy

for those of you who are wondering.  

kitten's procedure went great.  they gave her a baby dose of versed to relax her beforehand which had her marveling at her amazing fingers.  when she woke up from the anesthesia about thirty minutes later she was VERY angry, but we took her home and got her fed and napped, and she was a much happier baby.  

in the past five days since then she's learned to clap, wave and say "bye-bye," climb down from the sofa backward and feet-down (as opposed to head-first), and she's repeated "ball" and "baby," and she's learned to use "uh-oh" in context (as she picks up a dvd and throws it on the  floor: "uh-oh").  she's had a bit of a headcold and fever so last night she slept with me, and i heard her murmuring "uh-oh" in her sleep.  too cute.

i have a LOT of unreturned phone calls right now, but i'm significantly stressed out over this office move so when i'm not working i'm pretty much huddled up on my sofa in the fetal position chanting "nooooooes."

just kidding.  but i have been laying very low lately as i try to sort out what direction my office and career is going, so if i've dodged your calls, i really apologize.  and thank you for all the birthday wishes.

kitten's ears

we are scheduled to have tubes put in kitten's ears tomorrow at 7:00 a.m.  it's a fifteen minute procedure, but we have to be there early to talk to the anesthesiologist, etc.  she is the first surgery of the day because she can't eat or drink anything after midnight.

of course i'm anxious about everything, especially the anesthesia, but i am certain that we are making the right decision.  her ears, even though they are not infected, are full of fluid and are causing her pain, pressure, and muffled hearing every day.  she pulls at her ears all day.

wish us luck.

Church: How I Go Without Getting Angry

a few weeks ago my mom copied an excerpt from a book she's been reading and gave it to me.  she periodically does things like that. 

it's been sitting on my desk, which i have been cleaning off, so i just read it for the first time.  it's nicely on point with other things i've been blogging about recently.  i have no idea what it means in the larger context of the book, but i like it.

***

from the novel 

Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirtuality

by Donald Miller

Chapter 12: "Church: How i Go Without Getting Angry"

It should be said I am an independent person.  I don't like institutionalized anything. I don't like corporations.  I am not saying institutions and corporations are wrong, or bad; I am only saying I don't like them.  Some people don't like classical music, some people don't like pizza, I don't like institutions.  My dislike might stem from a number of things, from the nonpersonal feel I get when I walk into a corporate office or the voice-mail system I encounter when I call my bank.  It might be the nonengaged look on every fast-food worker's face or the phone calls I receive in the middle of dinner asking me what long-distance carrier I use.  Those people never want to just talk; they always have an agenda.

My dislike for institutions is mostly a feeling, though, not something that can be explained.  there are upsides to institutions, of course.  Tradition, for example.  The corridors at Harvard, rich with history, thick with thought, the availability of good, hot Starbucks coffee at roughly thirty locations within five miles of my home.  And what about all those jobs?  Without the corporate machine, where would people work?  I suppose we need them.  The institutions.  The corporations.  But mostly I don't like them.  I don't have to like them either.  It's my right.

I don't like church, either, for the same reason.  Or I should say I didn't like church.  I like attending a Catholic service every once in a while, but I think that is because it feels different to me.  I grew up Baptist.  I like watching religious television every once in a while.  It's better than Comedy Central.  I want to study psychology so I can sit in front of religious television and figure out these people's problems.  For a while I was very fascinated with televangelists.  I couldn't afford a television ministry but I had a computer, so I would go into Christian chat rooms and try to heal people.  It was funny at first, but it got boring.

Some of my friends have left their churches and gone Greek Orthodox.  I think that sounds cool.  Greek Orthodox.  Unless you are Greek.  Then it sounds like that is where you are supposed to go, as though you are a conformist.  If I were Greek, I would never go to a Greek Orthodox church.  If I were Greek, I would go to a Baptist church.  Everybody there would think I was exotic and cool.

***

I go to a church now that I love.  I never thought I would say that about a church.  I never though I would love a church.  But I love this one.  It is called Imago-Dei, which means "Image of God" in Latin.  Latin is exotic and cool.

In the churches I used to go to, I felt like I didn't fit in.  I always felt like the adopted kid, as if there was "room at the table for me."  Do you know what I mean?  I was accepted but not understood.  There was room at the table for me, but I wasn't in the family.

It doesn't do any good to bash churches, so I am not making blanket statements against the church as a whole.  I have only been involved in a few churches, but I had the same tension with each of them; that's the only reason I bring it up.

***

Here are the things I didn't like about the churches I went to.  First: I felt like people were trying to sell me Jesus.  I was a salesman for a while, and we were taught that you are supposed to point out all the benefits of a product when you are selling it.  That is how I felt about some of the preachers I heard speak.  They were always pointing out the benefits of Christian faith.  That rubbed me wrong.  It's not that there aren't benefits, there are, but did they have to talk about spirituality like it's a vacuum cleaner.  I never felt like Jesus was a product.  I wanted Him to be a person.  Not only that, but they were always pointing out how great the specific church was.  The bulletin read like a brochure for Amway.  They were always saying how life-changing some conference was going to be.  Life-changing?  What does that mean?  It sounded very suspicious.  I wish they would just tell it to me straight rather than trying to sell me on everything.  I felt like I got bombarded with commercials all week and then went to church and got even more.

And yet another thing about the churches I went to: They seemed to be parrots for the Republican Party.  Do we have to tow the party line on every single issue?  Are the Republicans that perfect?  I just felt like, in order to be part of the family, I had to think George W. Bush was Jesus.  And I didn't.  I didn't think that Jesus really agreed with a lot of the policies of the Republican Party or for that matter the Democratic Party.  I felt like Jesus was a religious figure, not a political figure.  I heard my pastor say once, when there were only a few of us standing around, that he hated Bill Clinton.  I can understand not liking Clinton's policies, but I want my spirituality to rid me of hate, to give me reason for it.  I couldn't deal with that.  That is one of the main reasons I walked away.  I felt like, by going to this particular church, I was a pawn for the Republicans.  Meanwhile, the Republicans did not give a crap about the causes of Christ.

Only one more thing that bugged me, and then I will shut up about it.  War metaphor.  The churches I attended would embrace war metaphor.  They would talk about how we are in a battle, and I agreed with them, only they wouldn't clarify that we were battling poverty and hate and injustice and pride and the powers of darkness.  They left us thinking that our war was against liberals and homosexuals.  Their teaching would have me believe I was the good person in the world and the liberals were the bad people in the world.  Jesus taught that we are all bad and He is good, and He wants to rescue us because there is a war going on and we are hostages in that war.  The truth is we are supposed to love the hippies, the liberals, and even the Democrats, and that God wants us to think of them as more important than ourselves.  Anything short of this is not true to the teachings of Jesus.

...

buy it on  Amazon.com

"it doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who i remember he was."

-anne sexton

miss you, dad, and wish you were here to meet J

as we celebrate his fatherhood to our own little girl.

you'd love them both.

thing three

(post script - this is a colossally long post.  i apologize.  but once i started typing, my blood pressure went back up.)

as you all know, i looked long and hard to find a daycare at which i was comfortable leaving Kitten.  and for the last six months, it's been a blessing.  but recently the daycare has been undergoing some changes which affected Kitten's care in a way which rapidly rose to the level of unacceptable.

i firmly believe that finding a good daycare has nothing to do with the facility itself, or the toys, or the playground equipment, or how expensive it is, or how well-decorated.  and really, even the directors of the facility take a back seat to the most important thing: the teacher who is in the room with my daughter all day.

the original infant room teacher left the daycare about one month after Kitten started there.  i was upset about it.  the teacher who moved up into the lead teacher position, Miss J, was young and i was worried that she wouldn't be able to handle the chaos of an infant room.  

it took a few weeks, but Miss J really got things into shape.  i became very happy with the way the infant room was running.  Kitten became very bonded to Miss J, and it was apparent that she was getting really good care.  Miss J was there when i dropped Kitten off in the morning, and she was there when i picked her up.  continuity of care is so important for young children, so having the same teacher in the room all day was crucial to me.  Kitten was consistently happy, well fed, dry, and clean.  i could tell when i picked her up every day that things were going well - and Miss J and i got along perfectly.  Kitten was happy as a clam every single afternoon.

unfortunately, the daycare never put any real effort into finding a steady second teacher for the room to assist Miss J.  there were a couple of girls who were there part of the time that i really liked - and a couple more who i really didn't care for.

further, despite Miss J's efforts, there were some things about the infant room that really needed to be changed.  keep in mind this was a brand-new facility developing brand-new policies, so when "parent survey" time came around i sat down and took the time to write a long suggestion letter.  the letter resulted in a call from an attorney who worked for the off-site owner.  we had a very good and productive conversation--but none of the changes we discussed ever materialized.  for instance, i felt strongly that the infant room needed to adopt a "no shoes" policy, as it was the only facility i had ever visited that permitted shoes in the infant room.  daily sheets needed to be two-way so that parents filled out information in the morning, because i didn't feel like the information in my thirty-second verbal run-down (4oz bottle at 6am, don't give her any tylenol until after 9am, she had a fussy night and will need a longer nap, etc.) sufficiently made it to the caregivers.  stuff like that.  i even offered to have my sister (who is the infant teacher/director extraordinaire with a degree in early childhood education and all the certifications you could ask for) come in and consult for a day or two for FREE.  they wanted to - but never followed through.

Miss J was so great, though, that i got over it, even though i remained a little annoyed.

then, two weeks ago, Miss J was out for two days in a row.  the first day i did not recognize any of the women in the infant room when i dropped off Kitten, and when i picked her up i could tell that she was out of sorts.

the second day i again did not recognize any of the women in the infant room, and i swear to god something inside me told me to not leave her.  i ignored it but promised to pick her up extra early.  

when i got there at 3:00 p.m., i walked into the room to see her standing on the floor with her pacifier (she is not permitted to have a pacifier except at naptime), holding onto a chair, red-faced and distraught.  the room was complete chaos, an utter mess, babies crying everywhere.  i picked her up feeling like a HORRIBLE mother for having left her.  i walked across the room and picked her blanket up from the floor (why was it there?) and put it in her crib, which is next to her cubby.  i looked in her cubby and realized that BOTH of her bottles were completely dry - she had not been given a bottle ALL DAY.  i picked up her daily sheet and she had NO BOTTLES and NO DIAPER CHANGES written down for the ENTIRE DAY.  her diaper was soaked.  she was traumatized. i was LIVID.

one of the secondary teachers that i like, Miss K, had just come into the room after getting out of class (she's in college) and she was frantically running around the room doing damage control while the two strange women kind of lurked around not doing anything productive.  Miss K apologized profusely, but i know it wasn't her fault--she'd barely walked through the door herself.  Miss K told me that the strange women reported that Kitten was crying all day, every time they'd set her down.

PERHAPS BECAUSE SHE WAS STARVING, YOU DOLTS????

i left the daycare and took Kitten straight home.  she was hysterical by the time we pulled into the driveway.  she took a giant bottle, a container of bananas, and a double-size bowl of oatmeal before she would calm down.  i cried.

and then i called the director.  of course she apologized and promised to go to the infant room right away and straighten it out, but i didn't feel any better.  i cuddled with Kitten all evening, even after she was fed and happy and was squirming to be out of my arms.

i vowed that the next day, if Miss J wasn't back, i wasn't leaving Kitten there - and thank GOD she was.  we had a LONG talk and Kitten was super happy to see her teacher.  

that afternoon Miss J and i had another long talk, and she confided that she was putting in her notice that day because the administration was too chaotic and she couldn't get them to support her or to hire any consistent assistance for her.

AHHHHHH.

so i put in my notice, too, and made immediate arrangements for Kitten to start attending a home daycare in the fall, and to stay with my sister for the rest of the summer.

and THEN, the next day, the off-site director called me and begged me to reconsider.  apparently they had already decided to terminate the on-site directors and are planning huge changes to the center, but these things hadn't been made public to the employees or parents yet.

i feel badly because i am invested in this center, and i wanted to see it grow and succeed.  as ya'll know, i spent a TON of time choosing the center that felt right for Kitten.  and there are still many teachers there who i trust greatly - but unfortunately, none of them are in the infant room full-time.

what's more, Princess is attending summer camp there, to great success. she is happy with her teachers and has had wonderful consistency of care (like i said--it's all about the teachers in the room).

i spoke at length with the off-site attorney, and wavered for a few days.  ultimately i decided to go ahead and keep Kitten out of the center, for now.  she will continue with my sister for the rest of the summer, and Princess will continue in their summer camp as long as she's happy.  

and in the fall, i have promised to come back to the center to meet the new director and new infant teacher and see what changes they've made, and reconsider Kitten's placement.  it's entirely possible that the new staff will be wonderful - but i won't allow Kitten to be a guinea pig in the midst of all that change.

not to mention that i had to put down a $400 deposit at the home daycare toward Kitten's fall enrollment.  the home daycare is the same center that i originally almost placed Kitten in, but i didn't at the time because the home daycare closes at 5:00 p.m. sharp and i was worried that would be problematic - but now i know it's workable.  the home daycare has a WONDERFUL curriculum and is terribly organized and creative.  the woman has one employee and keeps mostly teacher's kids, which is why she closes so early.  it's clear that she's put a huge amount of time and effort into developing her program over the last 30 years.  she keeps only children up to 5 years old, and funnels them directly into the local pre-k program.  it's much more of a tiny little private school than a daycare, and i have high hopes that it will work for us.

but who knows? the risk of a home daycare is, of course, that there is only one person in charge, and if you and that one person don't get along, there's no one else to go to.  and the woman does seem quite, ahem, assertive--but i'm never going to fault a woman for that!

wish us luck.

RENT

in going back through all my old posts, i found this.

here, let me blow that up for you:

kara would say that you have to listen to RENT in music hell, and that i should be ashamed of myself for knowing all the words to the soundtrack. but i do, and i have tickets to it in march.

the comments for that post have been lost because that post was on my old site.  but i know for a fact that kara left a snarky comment.

and then on 09 june 2009 at 10:25 p.m., lo and behold, what is kara's FB status?

Kara G: the tango maureen (i take back everything i ever said, melissa!)

i'm going to label this post "being right about music."

they must often change, those who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.

-confucious

those of you who are my faithful blog readers will notice some changes going on around here.  my readership is increasing, which is uber cool - but also a skosh creepy.  we have little ones who are and will always be my first priority, so there's going to be some anonymousization of this blog.

HENCEFORTH the girls will be known as my stepdaughter "Princess" and my daughter "Kitten."  you might recognize these names from the 1950s television show "Father Knows Best"--and it still leaves room in our family for a little "Bud" if J has his way - but the odds seem overwhelming that we'll end up with a second "Kitten."  that's a long way away, though, so don't get your hopes up.

everyone else will be referred to in whatever way makes sense at the time.

capisce?

squeezing the spaghetti

image courtesy of my sister, who is watching Kitten during the day for the rest of the summer.

a manifesto on patriotism

-by a bleeding heart liberal

so i bought one of those american-flag-patterned tin texas-star things and hung it on my front door. my sister was like, "whoa. where did you get that? it's so ... not you."

she's 100% correct. but like that johnson & johnson commercial, "having a baby changes everything."

i don't "do" patriotic. i don't own an american flag, although i think there's a plastic one lurking in the bottom of Princess's toy box. i had no red, white, and blue decorations prior to the tin star. fireworks scare me. i was never brave enough to snap the throw-down things with my fingers and memories of second-degree burns from those red hot smoking snakes make me bring my fingertips to my lips.

but i want Kitten to have lovely memories of holiday traditions. suddenly visions of blueberry-strawberry-cool-whip flag cakes on the cover of Family Circle magazine are dancing in my head.

WHAT WHAT!

does this mean i'm giving in and becoming someone i'm not? shedding my indie urban art major identity, succumbing to the influences of suburbia, mommyhood, and all things super wal-mart?

egats!

i mean, i can enjoy fireworks from afar, but as a general rule independence day totally annoys me. i associate it with--well, you know what i associate it with. i don't have to delineate the stereotype. suffice it to say, when i drive by a house with an american flag hanging from the porch and little red, white, and blue lights twinkling, i immediately presume "republican," perhaps with a little "NRA" thrown in there. too much misplaced nationalist superiority. the sort of people who eat freedom fries.

(i guess i just did delineate the stereotype.)

but why!

i've been thinking about this, and i'm angry. and if you associate "american flag" with one particular political party or another, you should be angry, too - no matter what your affiliation.

PRONOUNCEMENT: I AM HEREBY RECLAIMING INDEPENDENCE DAY ON BEHALF OF ALL AMERICANS, LEFT AND RIGHT.

i can be proud of this country. i am proud of this country. i refuse to raise my daughter in a country that i am not proud of, and this is where i live, so i will FIND things to be proud of if it KILLS me. and i will share them with her.

my grandfather served in the navy, and so does J's brother. my stepfather's brother died in vietnam, and my grandmother's husband served there as well. these people, along with innumerable other people in my life, have risked their lives for what they believe is best and right.

i can have pride in that without rushing to qualify or define what's "best and right." does it even matter? the truth is in the dark grey in-between abyss, and there's no knowing it as long as we're on this earthly plane. so let's just give it up, already. at least for one day.

i don't have to agree with the government or my neighbor or rush limbaugh or steven colbert or the bartender or you about what is best and right in order to have pride in this country.

i have pride that americans love our country enough to be passionate about political discourse - and pride that the right to political discourse is fundamental in this country. that's a big enough reason for every ONE of us to be flying a flag. i have pride:

• that i can be safe, happy, secure, and live on a friendly street without being upper-class
• that there is a free school system available to my daughter and her peers, even if i don't agree with all of the curriculum, because education starts at home
• that my daughter's voice is as important as her male counterparts, and that the voices of her minority counterparts are as important as hers
• that there is no war in my back yard
• that i am free to raise my children as i see fit, and attend whatever church i choose--or to choose no church at all
• that we are a melting pot and always have been, that christopher columbus was as foreign to this land and as devoid of the right paperwork as any current-day mexican immigrant, and that as a result my daughter's life will be enriched
• that i have fellow countrymen willing to sacrifice their lives for this country and my safety, even if we don't agree about the ways or means to achieve the goal--or even what the goal should be; they believe that they're protecting me - how can i not be thankful for that?

i'm fed up with the uprisers, the grass-movement agitators, the naysayers, the leftists, the liberals, all being labeled unpatriotic and anti-american. i'm tired of feeling alienated from the red, white and blue. so i'm reclaiming this independence day, because it's my holiday--and my country--too.

this should be a holiday of unification behind shared values. we are one in that we are all trying to do what we believe is best and right - even if we don't check the same box on the ballot. let's embrace that, yo.

i challenge everyone: show your children and your neighbors that differences don't matter and love of country is universal. be, simply, a patriotic american for one day, no matter what your voter registration card says - or even your green card, or your passport, because if you are standing on this soil then there is something here for you to be proud of.

reclaim the independence day of your childhood, when your heart swelled to bursting at the sound of the national anthem and the words "democrat" and "republican" weren't yet part of your budding vocabulary.

hang out a flag this month, forget what's in the news, and share with your children why you're proud of your country.

update

J is doing better.  he is up and about today, and went with me to Kitten's appointment this morning.  he is beginning to taper off on the pain medications and put some weight on his leg.  we take off the sterile dressing tomorrow.

Kitten had an appointment with an ENT today and she will have tubes put in her ears next wednesday - my birthday.  it is a minor procedure done under gas anethesia that should take about 15 minutes, although we can expect to be at the facility for several hours.  please keep us in your thoughts as i'm a wee bit nervous about the anesthesia.

i think i found an office.

thing three involves the daycare and ahhhh i just can't go there yet.

things that are going on

thing one.  

there is a distinct possibility that i will be moving my office in the very near future.  as most of you know, i did not go back to my firm after having Kitten, opting to throw my hat into the sole-proprietorship ring and open my own practice.  my cousin had preceded me in this endeavor by several years and already operated an office in town - an office with room for two additional attorneys.  so since last fall, i've been renting office space from him.

wellllll, he's done his time and made his fortune and he's decided to scale back in the overhead department.  he's not sure what he's going to do yet - possibly office out of his house, or rent an office from another attorney like i do.  but either way, it looks like he'll be closing the doors on the office as we know it.  i can't say i blame him - i'd do the same thing.  no one relishes paying a ton of money for office space.  it's an annoying expense.

SO.

there are a variety of options i have open to me, including finding another attorney to rent space from, finding another attorney to share a new space with, or opening up my own office and renting space to other attorneys.  none of these options are incredibly attractive to me, as i'm very happy with the situation as it is, but you can't fight the winds of change.  technically i could office out of my house - i know several attorneys who do - but i don't think it's a particularly good idea for me.  i meet with clients OFTEN, and i don't want them coming to my house unless i have a very specific office space with a separate entrance.  

as a result, i spent a ton of time last week weighing options and looking at commercial office space, thus billing very little time to bring in the money that i will require to actually RENT these spaces.  *sigh.*  this is the make-it-or-break-it point in the process of hanging out my own shingle.  if i have to go back to law firm life, so be it, and i know i have several opportunities that are available for the taking, but i'm not going back to that lifestyle without putting up a fight.  a BIG fight.

which might mean i'll be eating ramen for a while.

thing two.

J had arthroscopic surgery on his knee friday morning to remove a portion of his torn meniscus (shock-absorbing cartilage).  we were discharged with antibiotics, lortab, and instructions to elevate, ice, move about freely to ensure continued flexibility and let the pain be our guide.  pain that should be manageable, if not minimal.

this worked fine friday night and saturday morning, but then around noon J's pain level suddenly skyrocketed.  we called the on-call doctor for the orthopedic surgeon's practice and he said, "yeah, that's normal, you're probably doing too much.  have you elevated it?"  well J had been laying on the couch elevating it the entire time.  by midnight, he was in excruciating pain and couldn't move.  not an inch.  laying on the couch cringing for hours, watching the clock tick by until he could take another pain pill.  so we called again.  more "yeah, that's normal, oh, you still have the ace bandage on?  oh, they told you to keep that on?  yeah, that's normal.  yeah, if you want to take some naproxen sodium that's fine.  that's normal.  if it's that bad go to the ER, i can't help."  AHHHH.  jerk.  it didn't seem normal to us, and it was FAR outside any guidelines that we had been given for post-operative expectations.  we decided to try to wait out the night.

this morning J woke up and it took him thirty minutes to make the round-trip to the bathroom.  he was in so much pain his face was white as a sheet, he broke into a cold sweat, and nearly passed out.

enough of that.

so my mom comes over to watch the girls and we pack up and go to the urgent care clinic.

NEVER GO TO THE URGENT CARE CLINIC AT 81ST AND MEMORIAL.

it's funny, because someone told me that EXACT SAME THING just YESTERDAY but we went there anyway because they were the first clinic in tulsa to open up this morning.

so after three hours at the worthless St. John's urgent care, the physician's assistant (WHO WAS ATTENDING TO US BECAUSE THERE IS **NO** DOCTOR THERE - THAT'S RIGHT - **NO** DOCTOR) finally calls the on-call orthopedic doctor from the night before who advises us to head over to the emergency room at the OSU Medical Center/former TRMC because he is on call there and wants to check J for a blood clot.

okay, the minute the PA said "blood clot" i think MY face went white as a sheet.

so i pack J up in the car again we book it downtown to the LOVELY OSU medical center and MAN that place is just scary.  i guess the south-tulsa-shiney-newness has rubbed off on me, but there is NO reason an emergency room should smell that strongly of cigarettes.  ew, ew, ew.  we were in my mom's black jag because it has a much longer back seat for J to lay in, and as we pulled up to the ER J is like, "we are in the WRONG place to be in this car."

so i walk in and i'm like, "surgery friday, inappropriate post-operative pain levels, DR. DANG IS EXPECTING US." and i'm just thinking blood clot blood clot blood clot.

and that's really his name.  dr. jimmy dang.  AVOID HIM.  he (or his associate) cuts you open, bills your insurance, and then completely renounces all moral and ethical obligation for your health and well being.  and as far as his legal obligation?  i'm still mulling over that.  his legal obligation is going to depend heavily on how well J's leg heals. because it better heal PERFECTLY at this point.

anyway, they make us go through all the processing and blah blah blah and it's actually going way faster than the urgent care place even though the urgent care place was basically empty of patients other than us the entire time we were there.  my sister meets us at the ER and feeds me a pepsi and a lunchable because by this time it's noon and all i've had all day is a cup of coffee.

so we get back into a room (and let me tell you the emergency rooms at OSU medical don't look anything like the small curtained partitions at southcrest.  they are big old-school tiled emergency rooms straight out of television.  they scream "SHOOTING!  TRIAGE!")

VERY long story short they don't know what's wrong.  they eliminate infection and blood clot (THANK GOD), give us a couple of other possibilities, tell us what to watch for, shoot J up with morphine, and send us on our merry way.

and you know what?  dr. dang doesn't show his happy shiny face the entire time.  so we drove all the way downtown to get a course of treatment that we could have gotten at any ER in town.  i'm soooo happy we did that.  right.

so by now it's three p.m. and we've spent approximately five hours and seventy-six thousand dollars on medical advice from one physician's assistant, two triage nurses, three emergency room physicians and one absentee orthopedic surgeon, that can all be summed up as "yeah. dunno."

but J's sleeping on the couch now and there's not much more i can ask for at this point.  at least he's getting some rest.  and when we got home, mom had made a wonderfully amazing pot roast which was waiting for us and could NOT have POSSIBLY tasted better.

we are so exhausted that mom took Kitten for the night and i called Princess's mom to take her. Princess's mom actually called me back while we were in the ER and i was like, "i'm the the ER with J would you want to take Princess tonight, no prob if you have plans but it's not much fun at our house this weekend..." and she's all, "yeah, yeah, sure, hey, can i ask you an etiquette question i bought this dress for this wedding and..." and i'm like OMG I AM LITERALLY STANDING IN THE ER WITH J.  ARE. YOU. SERIOUS.  i mean, i didn't ACTUALLY say that, being raised with the good graces not to.  i appreciate that she values my opinions on hemlines and color choices (i was, after all, kappa delta's most beloved Miss Gracious Living in recent history, ahem), but TIMING IS EVERYTHING.

anyway, i feel HORRIBLY guilty sending the girls away because we've spent the whole weekend in chaos with not enough quality cuddling time, but it's best for everyone.

i can't wait until things get back to normal.  J obviously can't go back to work tomorrow as expected, and i don't know how i'll be able to, either, if he's not feeling considerably better.

but here are the good things.  i need to list these for myself at this point.  

• J is in a lot of pain, but by all evaluations he is okay and will improve.  and he is resting.
• Princess and Kitten are happy and healthy.  
• J and are i both gainfully employed for the time being, and no matter what happens we both have the skill sets to support ourselves.
  
• we have a lovely, warm household and a lovely, warm family.

and, THEN, there's...

thing three.

and you know what? i totally do not have the energy to write about thing three.  so you will have to wait, my friends, to hear that rant.

sure as kilimanjaro rises like olympus above the serengeti

-toto, "africa"

i have become a Mommy.  not a mother--that's what i became when i gave birth.  but today, 09 june in the year of our lord 2009 at approximately 1:45 p.m., i became a Mommy.  the following is the facebook account of the sordid manner in which it occurred:

Melissa just bought the girls red, white, and blue outfits for independence day.  i'm officially a monster.  1:53 p.m.

Linda G. at 2:04 pm June 9: Hahahahahahaha! It happens to the best of us.  Embrace it.

Kara G. at 2:11pm June 9: but I bet they are SUPER COOL red white and blue outfits right?! right?

Bobby L. at 2:15pm June 9: Ha....I'll leave it at that

Amy L.I. at 2:17pm June 9: LOL! Give in to it!

Tj J. at 2:38pm June 9: I NEVER would have pegged you for the type...just sayin'

Melissa at 2:53pm June 9: at least they are what i consider to be "benignly" patriotic. red, white, and blue prints but no "USA ROCKS!" or "land of the free, home of the SOONERS." is that at all redeeming or shall i just resign myself to mom jeans right now?

Kara G. at 2:56pm June 9: if they were like, red white and blue grateful dead bears, I could see it...

Melissa at 2:58pm June 9: no jerry bears, but Kitten's shirt says "peace." that counts.

Bobby L. at 3:00pm June 9: You should get a free pass this time....it's patriotic, plus....you called yourself out....gotta count for something....matching sweaters for Christmas????

Kara G. at 3:02pm June 9: yeah! see I knew there was something in there that would make this all coalesce for me...

Amy L.I. at 3:02pm June 9: Ouch, Bobby!

Melissa at 3:07pm June 9: i've clearly been watching too much "jon and kate plus 8."

le sigh.

2009 trigderby lake trip

this evening we returned from my immediate family's annual lake trip.  we are sunburned, sore, and exhausted after four days of boating, fishing, canoeing, swimming, wakeboarding, campfires, grilling, and chasing kids around.  some of the gang filmed a horror movie; plot: group of kids go to the lake for the weekend and are murdered after making incredibly stupid survival choices.  with any luck it'll eventually make its way onto youtube, and i'll link you.  i'm sure it will go viral instantly, if not sooner.

my sister and kitten

***

i did a terrible job of photographing the goings-on this year, but i blame it on the added distraction of Kitten.  thank you, trigerbys.

clickity click to a small flickr set

always on the wrong side of the door

i got good bokeh

an excellent example of my favorite photographic things: natural light, my 50mm lens, bokeh, and the "hard light" layer action in photoshop elements.

and Princess. 

and knockoff ray bans.

isn't he cute?

i know you don't read my blog, but i love you.

ENT appointment

we has one.  for Kitten. in two weeks.  she's got another ear infection.  

i'm almost relieved.  i'd never wish for her to have an invasive procedure, but i really hate her being on antibiotics all the **** time.  it's like clockwork - ear infection, ten day round of antibiotics, she's happy for 5-8 days, then another ear infection.  i'm fed up, and it's screwing with her sleeping schedule because when she's got an ear infection she won't lay down flat.

tubes it is!

strawberry champagne salad

J's mom makes this amazing salad based on a recipe from charleston's restaurant.  the original version has a champagne dressing, hence the name.  the other weekend i got the recipe from her, and now i'm sharing it with you, now that strawberries are in season.  it's wonderful.

salad:

• bag of lettuce (i like the "butter blend," or romaine)
• 6 strawberries, rinsed and diced
• 4 dates, pitted and diced
• 10 cherry or grape tomatoes, halved
• 1/4 cup toasted pecans or walnuts
• gorgonzola cheese, crumbled
  
• optional: 1/4 to 1/2 cup fresh chopped pineapple

dressing:

• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
• 1 tsp chicken bouillon granules (or 1 cube)
• cracked pepper
• dash olive oil

whisk dressing ingredients together until brown sugar is dissolved, then toss with lettuce.  add remaining ingredients to top of lettuce and chill.  serve.

***