let the complaining begin

i've started wearing maternity clothes. they are seriously like the most comfortable clothes ever created. i can't figure out why i haven't been wearing thick, soft, elastic low-rise waistbands MY ENTIRE LIFE. duh.

right now, i really just need the maternity pants, because the waistband on my regular pants is getting so tight. i tell myself it's natural, but at this point in the game it's probably more sonic cheeseburger than it is bebbe.

even though i don't need to yet, i've worn some of my new maternity shirts to work a couple of times and the women in my office just absolutely swoon. it's like i'm giving birth to the christ child or something. i know that they're really just excited to have something to distract them from their j-o-b-s, but i feel like a poseur in my long empire-waist tops. i mean, i am pregnant, but at this point the motivation to wear maternity clothes is less about necessity and more about sitting cross-legged in my desk chair feeling like i'm wearing pajamas.

did i mention how uber-comfortable maternity clothes are?

moving right along.

i can't believe how obnoxious some people are about this whole pregnancy thing. i mean, sorry, i really meant for this post to not be totally consumed by pregnancy-speak because i don't want to become one of Those Women who can talk about nothing but their offspring and the gestation thereof, but the post is going that way anyway so i might as well roll with it.

i was always annoyed by those women who complained about how much unsolicited advice they got during their pregnancy, and how everyone suddenly felt that it was their duty as another woman to touch their stomachs, and blah blah blah. i was like, "what's the big deal? you're pregnant - didn't you sign up for this?"

but i am seriously getting some of the most useless advice on a daily basis, and it annoys me to have to even acknowledge it:

• on eating a can of tuna at my desk: "you know that you're not supposed to have too much fish because of the mercury, right?" YES i know this and YES i am monitoring my fish in take and YES this can of tuna is within the permissible bounds.
• on drinking a cup of coffee: "you know that caffeine increases the risk of miscarriage, right?" YES i know this and IT'S DECAF. DO YOU NOT THIK THAT I'VE GOT THE SHAKES FROM STARBUCKS WITHDRAWAL?
• on drinking anything but water: "you know that you're not really supposed to drink anything but water, right?" i'm not even going to dignify that with a response. you try drinking nothing but water for nine months. water is gross.
• on prenatal vitamins: "you're taking one, right?" yes, as a matter of fact, i've been taking a prescription one since BEFORE i got pregnant.  this was not an accident.
• on weight gain: "wow, 5 lbs is a LOT for the first trimester." actually, that's exactly what my doctor told me to gain.
• on alcohol: "you know it's okay to have a glass of wine right?" yes, i know that, but do you think i'd be caught dead drinking in public? the same people who reassure me that it's okay to drink would probably be the first ones to call DHS when my child is born on suspicion of fetal alcohol syndrome. you know she drank all through her pregnancy, right?
• on marriage: "so, was this, like, a surprise?" NO, it was NOT a surprise, this was PLANNED, but thank you so much for assuming that just because i'm unmarried my child must also have been unplanned. you have to live life by your own terms, people. make your own rules. do what's right for you. i embrace that concept so stop trying to cram me into your preconceived categories of types-of-relationships-and-what-goes-with-them.

the other night i went to in the raw, and i ate sushi, and some of it was raw, and i am not even sorry. i've never gotten sick from eating sushi, i've been eating it three times a month or more for ten years now, and the whole risk-to-the-fetus thing boils down to, "if you get bad sushi, you might get sick, and getting sick is bad for the baby in a general sort of way." well, duh. i might get sick picking up that telephone receiver, too. i also might get hit by a Guinness truck on the way home tonight. pregnant women are also not supposed to eat lunchmeat. but guess what? that's life.

so anyway, that's what's going on with me. sorry this post is not more illuminating into my life, but now that i'm trapped inside my beverage-restricted, well-done, tuna-pork-and-lunchmeat-free bubble, it seems like i have less to talk about.

maybe the dog will tear something else up tonight and i can post more pictures.