cringeworthy

a few days ago i wrote the last check in my checkbook. that evening i took the empty book of duplicate checks out of my purse and replaced it with a new book. i left the old book of duplicates sitting on the side table in the living room.

this evening kitten picked it up and started reading it, upright (sideways), like a book. she started talking to me, and this is the lecture that i got:

i weed dis book, mama? okay, i weed it MY-self. MY-self. O-kay.

then she sees my handwriting.

you color on dis, mama? you color on paper! uh-HUH. O-kay, that NO NO NO. mama, you don't color on dis paper. that NO NO NO.

*****

a few weekends ago she was at my mom's house, and mom showed her a bunch of daddy longlegs on the front porch. the following weekend we were there again, and she raced to the front porch and exclaimed, "where all the babydaddys??"

*****

like many families in our demographic, we are big Yo Gabba Gabba fans. they have a recurring segment where a puppet eats a bunch of sweets, and then there's a close-up of the sweets having a party in the puppet's tummy. then the broccoli and the carrots and the other vegetables start singing about wanting to go to the party. the tagline is, "there's a party in my tummy!"

every morning i sit at the kitchen table and put on my makeup while she eats her breakfast. this morning, spontaneously, she pulled up her shirt and said, "there's a party in my tummy!" i nodded and kept applying my mascara. she looked down at her tummy again, then tugged at the waistband of her pajamas and said, "there a party in my pants??"