WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT ALLOWED ON THE COFFEE TABLE

a tantrum in nine parts

I.  Repudiation

II. Realization

III. Argumentation

IV. Frustration

V. Intervention

VI. Abandoned on the Floor and NO ONE LOVES ME

VII.  Abdication

VIII.  Exoneration

IX.  Fin.

my cat hates you

we have these animals that live in our house.  share our living space.  

shed.

back when i was in college it seemed like a great idea to get a little indoor kitten to cuddle with at night and sit in my lap while i studied.  simultaneously, somewhere on the other side of tulsa county, J and his ex-wife were childless and it seemed like a great idea to get a little indoor puppy to play fetch with and ... do whatever else you do with dogs.  i don't know, because i'm not a dog person.

seven years passed, and worlds collided.

gatsby.  gatsby hates you.  but don't feel bad.  gatsby hates me, too.  gatsby hates indiscriminately and with the inimitable contempt conveyed only by cats.  we are here only for gatsby's pleasure, to scratch him when he feels like being scratched.  the rest of the time, you and i can scratch off.

valkyrie.  valkyrie loves you.  valkyrie loves me, too.  the feeling is not entirely mutual.  valkyrie licks and i can't stand it.  valkyrie is overeager.  she wants to sleep in your lap.  she doesn't care that it's one hundred degrees outside.  valkyrie smells like burned scrambled eggs.  

when i think about a dog i'd like to have, i imagine a giant saint bernard who naps quietly fireside as i stroke his head and read my book, and who disappears the rest of the time.  and doesn't lick.  essentially a giant cat.  i don't need a dog, i need a tiger.

[digression: i just noticed that the television automatically switched from the music station to spongebob squarepants because J is DVR'ing it for autumn on TWO different channels.  IS THIS MY LIFE.]

but valkyrie is a good guard dog.  she's only 15lbs, but she's fracking loud, and antsy and skittish, so she doesn't miss a thing.  which is nice when J's gone at night, albeit annoying as all get out the rest of the time.  and i will admit to, on occasion, inviting her to sleep on the bed when J's gone, except that she takes this as an invitation to burrow under the covers and become dead to the world, totally useless.

valkyrie is a scavenger.  miniature pinschers are a rat terrier breed of dog.  when we moved into this house i posted about how irritated i was that she was turning our yard into a series of giant culverts, trying to unearth a mole or a gopher or whatever.

and then this turned up.  knock me over with a feather, right?

Exhibit 1: mole or gopher

it almost made me forgive her for turning our back yard into this:

Exhibit 2: culvertization

i am now of the opinion that everyone with a small child should have an indoor dog because valkyrie waits with such rapt patience at the foot of kitten's chair to immediately recover each tiny morsel of dropped food.  that's gross, but i don't care.  you can't imagine the time saved by not having to sweep after every meal.

Exhibit 3: 

isn't it cute the way kitten hooks her toes on the edge of the tray?

as i was mentally composing this post this morning while i fed kitten breakfast, the following occurred:

Exhibit 4: this morning

there are a multitude of things going on in this picture.  first we have the sleepy-eyed kitten--for once the innocent bystander--eating her banana and cheerios.  

Exhibit 4: continued

and then there's gatsby (who hates us).  he has just smacked the cereal box onto the floor with his front paw.  see how he's watching the minion below to see what unfolds?

Exhibit 4: continued

valkyrie has JUMPED INTO ACTION and is frantically cleaning as many cheerios as she can before i swat her away.  she has a pavlovian response that kicks in when she's eating human food, making her paranoid and jumpy.  as opposed to the rest of the time, when she's just paranoid and jumpy.

exhausted from his activities, gatsby reclines for a nap:

Exhibit 5: supreme indifference, thirty seconds later

so there you have it.  i let the dog clean my floor, and my cat sleeps on the kitchen table.  it's worth pointing out that i swiffer my floor once a week, and i wipe down the table before each meal.  my mom won't find this to be remotely redeeming because in her mind indoor animals are universally verboten, as evidenced by my hamster-free childhood.  

but i'm not holding back.  welcome to my life.

shepherd's pie

this is a thursday night recipe, when it's toward the end of the week and you have a bunch of leftover vegetables in tupperware in your fridge that won't be touched over the weekend.  it's also very inexpensive and uses ingredients that are already in your cupboard.

jake glanced at my laptop when i was creating this post and asked why i had pictures of dinner pulled up.  i told him that sometimes i post recipes.  he was all "why?  do people want them?" and i was all "i dunno but it's my blog and i'll post pictures of our dinner if i want to" and he was all "if you're going to post recipes why don't you post them of something good like your spicy roasted vegetables not like something plain that anyone can make" and i was all "that's a backhanded comment i've never heard you complain about my shepherd's pie and i've never seen you make it either" and he was all like "whatever" and i was all like "whatever" and he continued into the kitchen to refill his glass of iced tea and i hit "publish post."

ingredients

1-2 lbs ground hamburger or turkey

1/2 onion, chopped

1 clove garlic, minced

2 tsp. beef bullion granules or 1 beef bullion cube, dissolved in 1/2 cup water

4 cups instant mashed potatoes, prepared according to directions

cheese

paprika

seasoning salt

garlic powder

pepper

vegetables*

*you can use any veggies that you have in the fridge.  really, anything goes.  corn, carrots, broccoli, zucchini, squash, peas, cooked, uncooked, anything.  if you don't have any veggies sitting around, add two cups of frozen mixed vegetables.

directions

brown the ground hamburger or turkey in your largest nonstick skillet, along with the onion and garlic.  drain grease and return to pan.  add beef bullion and a dash each of garlic powder, pepper, and seasoning salt to taste.  add veggies and stir to combine.

here we have corn, carrots, green beans, and zucchini.

while the ground hamburger or turkey are browning, mix up your instant mashed potatoes.  add an extra dash of garlic powder for good measure, and don't skimp on the butter.  you can always boil potatoes and make real mashed potatoes, but this is thursday night and who wants to mess with that on a thursday night not me i have laundry to fold and aislinn just dumped an entire package of bendy straws onto the floor.

oh, i forgot.  pretend i already told you to preheat your oven to 350.

now spread the meat and veggie mixture into a casserole dish:

and spread the mashed potatoes over the top:

then sprinkle a little cheese on the top, and dust with paprika:

throw it in the oven and bake for 20-30 minutes, until the cheese is melted on top and everything is bubbly.

mmmmmmm.  serve with salad and crusty bread spread with butter and jam.

delicious.

rebellion

i quit plucking my eyebrows a few months ago. i have no idea what precipitated this. nothing, actually.  i was just too busy to pluck them, and then it got embarrassing but i still never got around to it, and then it got downright out of control and i became intrigued so i went with it.

i haven't decided whether i'm going to go back to my old hyper-manicured ways. one minute i feel unkempt and shabby and the next i feel european and self righteous. who knew tweezers could instigate such emotions? who would have thought i'd ever blog about my eyebrows?

 when i started this blog did i contemplate sharing my grooming habits with the world? 

is there any more leftover tabouli in the fridge?

sunrise photo shoot

what do you do when your ten month old wakes up at five a.m. on a balmy sunday? you throw a dress on her, plunk her down in the dewy back yard, and start snapping away in the pretty morning light.

swimming

10 months

here are a couple of videos of kitten being kitten, for those of you who don't get to see her often.